Facebook For The Rest Of Us

2009-01-03T05:41:00.000-08:00

Facebook For The Rest Of Us
I need to call my therapist....I need to begin a new more potent personality altering drug regimen.....I need to get some friends, NOW.

Let's start by saying that I'm not a real people person. I don't like nor am I good at small talk. It exhausts me. If the other person isn't responding enthusiastically or complimenting me on my sparkling personality or marveling at my wittiness well, then, let's just agree right now that it's them, not me. Usually, the person just stares at me blankly and backs away. Yeah, nice seeing you, let's get together soon, I shout from across the room. So, let's just say my friendship circle is limited. As a special treat, I've unblocked years of therapy, just for you....

One time while on the concrete jungle, I remember two girls who wanted to be in our ponytail clique. We were a tight gang of 5 year olds who ruled the playground and you had to win your way into our group. In order to be a ponytail poser, you had to run and pull the ponytails of our chosen and unsuspecting victim. I used to love this game. It was friendship by intimidation and I would wear my victim's scrunchies around my neck on a chain as a sign of my popularity. We were untouchable.

My middle and high school years were pretty much the same. You know, pull a ponytail in Algebra, lop off an unsuspecting bobber with a grosgrain ribbon in English - (I'm also known for my charity work and donated that beauty to Locks of Love) And so it went.

Recently, I joined Facebook. Did you know that some people have over 197 friends?! I try not to compare my low friend number with the freakishly large friend count of others because like many men I know, I refuse to succumb to the mine is bigger than yours theory of virtual friendships.

At this point, I'll just stick with my 13 friends - because, that's enough small talk for me.

The Classics

2008-12-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

The Classics
Welcome! I'm always looking for subtle ways to amuse myself, so a friend suggested that I begin a blog about senseless stuff since I enjoy hearing my own voice (inner & outer). Here is my first entry.

Don't you love to read. I do. I can't think of anything more rewarding than taking time for yourself snuggled up by a roaring and crackling fire, the smell of hand-rubbed walnut paneling hugging the library walls. Imagine being caressed by the leather of an overstuffed chair your Grandfather carted over from the old country. And, look, there's your Rudy, curled up nose to tail, snoozing in the warmth of the afternoon sun as it penetrates through the open skylights. Ahh, nothing better.

Now, it's time to chose my tome. I can feel the weight of the volume in my hands, I thrill knowing that so much time and dedication has been put forth in making it what it is.

Yes, my friends, the literary selection I seek has Romance, Mystery, & Intrigue. I'm talking about a modern day classic for the young and old, rich and poor alike...People Magazine

The glossy cover shouts, Tom Cruise - The Truth About My Family (in his own words, of course.) Tom, the 25 year veteran of film. Let's recap. There's a picture of Tom in his Risky Business Hanes - so young and innocent. In 1986 Tom was my Maverick in Top Gun way before Sarah Palin was shooting moose and keeping an eye on Russia.

But Tom, are roles no longer coming your way? Do you need money? (bad economy hits everyone) Does Suri need a new pair of shoes? Because Tom, for your new role, you're portraying Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, a Nazi and me being Jewish and all. Anyway, Tom, I just might forgive you this one time because after all, "You had me at hello."

Wait, what's this? 37% say it's too soon for Britney to begin her new North American Tour. Can she survive? Will she have another relapse? When will she fit in bonding time with her bambinos? That leaves 63% of the folks wanting an Oops, I Did It Again head shaving.

Page 87 calls to me. As I read, a hint of a smile surfaces, I chuckle at the irony, karma is alive and well. OJ is headed to jail, y'all. Let me be the first one to give him his prison bitch nickname: Oral Justice.

I Didn't Get The Message

Facebook For The Rest Of Us

The Classics